this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
