my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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