I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh god it's open bar.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
