she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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