im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i drank out of a bidet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
pray to the hookup gods
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
