Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
time to smoke my breakfast
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
