I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
