so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
