I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
