had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
