I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
