i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
