sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
