I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
