I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
