waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
