I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
