the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
