Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
pray to the hookup gods
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
