why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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