Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
