hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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