I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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