You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
