Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
