Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
