You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
