yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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