I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
