..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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