Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
