you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
