Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
