How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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