I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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