she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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