He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
