they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
