You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
