dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
