Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
