first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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