She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
