Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
