First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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