o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
