Cold hands, warm shart.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
