I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
