Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
