Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
